Marital Bliss

H: Honey get in the car we’re gonna be late.
W: I’m almost done. Just hold on five more minutes.
H: You said that five minutes ago. Actually six minutes ago. (looking at his watch)
W: You know you’re wasting my time. I could have been all done but nnnnnnnnnoooooo you wanted to whine some more because you don’t want to be late for your mommy’s birthday. I mean, she wouldn’t even know you’re there.
H: Don’t you be talkin’ bout ma mama like that now!
W: I’m sorry. I forgot. I don’t even know the whole truth now do I?
H: You can’t handle the truth you maggot pie.
W: Oh well that’s real mature of you. What are you like eight years old?
H: No, I happen to be reading Shakespeare right now you dismal- dreaming, dissembling, donnish, drowning, drama queen!!!(With an appearance of sureness)
W: Did you know, when I first saw you I thought you were handsome. Then of course, you spoke. So if I were you I’d stop speaking right about NOW.
H: I’ll stop speaking when you pay the bills.
W: When I pay the bills? When I pay the bills? (furious) I work my ass off cleaning the house, cooking dinner, taking care of the kids and this is the thanks I get.
H: I suppose you didn’t know but, THAT’S YOUR JOB. (wife shocked) What do you want for it a cookie? Show me the money! Until then I can say whatever I feel like whenever I please.
W: EXCCCUUSSEE ME? (standing slanted, pointing her finger, irritated) Who are you talking to? Your job is to serve me slave. Give me the money so that I can do ma thing! You give me nothing’ else, sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold on to.
H: Listen WOMAN! I am the man of this house o.k. I wear the pants in this household and if you don’t like it then beat it. (Standing up to her) You know, my mother told me not to marry you. There’s a llotta things about me you don’t know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand. And you know what, I know about your little rendez - vous’s over to Ron’s house. Sherry told me everything.